im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
