I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
