I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
