I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
