i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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