Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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