Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
