so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
