Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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