I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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