You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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