his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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