You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
