im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
