ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
