I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
