i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
