I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
