When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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