So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
