Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
