Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
