My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
