Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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