There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They have beer where we have blood.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
