Sry I called you an 8
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
