Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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