did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Say something about gay babies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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