U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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