but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
