Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
