the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
