discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
