Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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