trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
