R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You took a bar mat shot.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
