It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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