i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
