one two three fourrrrnication!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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