I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
