I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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