I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She even gives head with a lisp.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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