Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
