if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
