he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
