Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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