I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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