Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
