I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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