The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
