you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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