Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
