sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
