he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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