Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
