Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
