Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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