Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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