Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize