I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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