No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
