party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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