Buhtt sex?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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