Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
