Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
