Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
