does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
