i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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