careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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