every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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