You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
