I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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