On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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