She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
